As you noticed, I haven't posted anything for the last few days. I also haven't done much of anything for the last few days; after the stresses and pressures of the past three weeks, I needed to take a few days to bury myself in mundane activities, to turn my mind off to a degree, and to learn to deal with the new reality of a world without Dad.
It hasn't been a steady process; I'm surprised at how the most trivial things can cause a flood of powerful feelings to boil over. Foods that Dad really liked; songs that he often sang along with in a melodious voice that I constantly envied; casual fragments of conversation that echo the frequent phone chats that Dad and I had... all of them can pull me out of a normal mood and lead me into dark, lonely corners of my thoughts. All of these will become cherished memories in time, but right now they force me to confront my loss--and not on my own terms.
As my good friend Dr. Mike said, "you never get over it. After a while, though, it hurts less."
1 comment:
I've read, and I believe, that it takes at least a full year to fully grieve because each season and each month has different associations linked to different memories. I'm glad you've taken this time to try to recover and readjust, and wish you well.
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