The Telltale Part

Robin asked why I was looking at cars, since I have a Honda that I bought just a couple of years ago.

Remember Edgar Allan Poe's "The Telltale Heart"? Remember how the narrator was pushed over the edge by that rheumy, staring eye?

My Honda has a squeak.

"Squeak" isn't precisely fair. It's a buzzing sound, sort of a low-frequency cousin to the sound of someone bouncing a basketball on concrete, in the front passenger door; it can be triggered by (a) hitting a bump with the front right tire, (b) hitting a bump with the left front tire, (c) a bass note played on the stereo system, (d) the movement of the sun, moon, or stars. It's not there all the time, which makes it that much more difficult to fix. Inevitably, if I take the car to the dealership, the noise decides to spend the day relaxing in our garage rather than making the trip with me.

I have considered cutting the Honda into small bits and burying it beneath the floorboards, but we have a basement, so that means I'd have car parts falling on my head when I went downstairs to exercise.

The noise interferes with my enjoyment of the car. I'll admit that I'm now compulsively focused on the noise, but it doesn't matter whether the problem is the car, me, or both--suffice to say that I'm not happy with it.

One more thing. Honda Accord EX car seats are not as comfortable as the seats of the cars I'm considering. A comfortable car seat is important to me. Since I lost 70 pounds between April of 2000 and April of 2001 (and have kept the weight off, calloo callay oh frabjous joy!), I have no butt. More specifically, I have no padding; I have bones 'n' some muscle and some skin, but nothing that makes sitting on a hard surface particularly enjoyable. And somehow, the Honda's seat doesn't work for me. Others have no such complaints; that doesn't help me, though.

And one final thing--no direct iPod input on a 2004 Accord EX V-6 with navigation and XM.

So yes, I'm considering replacing a car with 15,000 miles on it because of a buzzing noise, a firm car seat, and no iPod connector. And it's not a mental disorder if you can afford to cater to it...