Dear Neighbor...

...who insists on buying out the entire fireworks inventory from Three-Finger Stumpy over in Inbred, Alabama, then bringing them back here to detonate them in the middle of a quiet subdivision:

I have no problem with you setting off your fireworks. I do request, however, that you carry out your fireworks extravaganza within the confines of your own home. With the doors and windows shut. The blasts will seem much more impressive then...