Getting a Job IS a Job

I own a business. As a result, I routinely hear from people who wonder if we're hiring. Problem is, most of them don't have the slightest idea how to search for a job, and as a result they do it quite wretchedly.

Some of the lowlights include:
•The person who walked in, looked around, said, "They still make this shit?" And then in all seriousness came up to the counter and said "Are you hiring?"
•The fellow who asked "Are you hiring? My parole officer said I need to get a job."
•The surly young man who said, "You wouldn't hire me, would you?"
•The flighty young woman who came in with her coterie of friends (all of whom rearranged merchandise for us), asked if we'd hire her, and then said, "If you do, all of my friends will come in with me every day!"

Here's the basic fact, folks: If you're applying for a job, you need to realize that you already have a job, and that job is selling yourself. If you don't make yourself as desirable an employee as possible, you've already failed at your first job.

Try dressing for the job. Don't come in wearing dirty clothes, offensive clothes, trashy clothes, exercise clothes, wifebeater shirts, baggy shorts, risque clothes, or with garish piercings or tattoos evident. It says, right off the bat, that you value your comfort and your personal statement more than any job.

Tell me what in the world you have to offer that might make you worth cash. A business isn't a charity; I need to know how I'm going to make money on my investment in you.

Have some idea what we do.

Don't make demands prior to even being given an interview. "I don't work weekends" is an exit strategy, not a entrez into a job interview.

Don't assume that telling me I have the best comic shop on earth is going to get you a job or even an interview.

Identify yourself. Sending me an email with an address like perv3000@hotmail.com or bigsexy@yahoo.com isn't going to win me over. It's even less likely to win me over when that email is my first contact with you, and you don't even fully identify yourself in the email.

Another hint: I don't ever hire from an email.

If you're not following these rules, it's no wonder you're not finding a job.